the signs as garnet quotes

• aries: i thought violence would be the answer.
• taurus: we can't keep fighting these things forever! well, we can, but i don't want to.
• gemini: i am a conversation.
• cancer: that's a lie. your middle name is 'cutie pie'.
• leo: [picks up a giant axe] never know when you might need one of these.
• virgo: no dinner for 1,000 years.
• libra: but i think you're just mad 'cause you're single.
• scorpio: all comedy is derived from fear.
• sagittarius: i drink coffee for breakfast.
• capricorn: hello, this is mom universe. yes, the children are playing swords. sorry, with swords. they are bleeding. oh no, they are dead. don't call again. sorry, i panicked.
• aquarius: you are an experience. make sure you're a good experience.
• pisces: tiny hands. my only weakness.